e-Jealousy

I hate Facebook. I despise, loathe, detest, curse, and even abhor the time-sucking beast. To begin to understand my revulsion toward the damned rune, I have a story for you.

Once upon a time, there was a determined little girl. She was quick-witted, intelligent, and unafraid to try new things of all sorts. She was always in the top of her class (aside from that useless math subject), and conversed with adults much more easily than she did children of her own age. As she grew, she decided that she was going to do everything from perform in the circus (1st grade), become a district attorney (5th grade), cure cancer (8th grade), become the first female president (9th grade), and work for the CIA (college). After college, she worked on Capitol Hill, and and in grad school, our heroine seriously considered an internship with the FBI. By the time she finished grad school and got married, she'd decided that she was going to save the world through nonprofit work, and even went to work for a small, local nonprofit that wooed her with the amazing work she would be doing.

Fast forward 4 1/2 years, 3 jobs, and 1 child later, and the most exciting part of each day for the young ingénue is reading, wide-eyed, all of the amazing things that her 339 closest friends are up to. Several work for government agencies overseas. Two have secured amazing book deals with Harper Teen. 3 have successfully defended their PhD.s over the past 2 years. Many have run marathons, started businesses, or are successfully juggling two kids and a high-powered job and look AMAZING. The girl can't help but contrast her life of laundry, dishes, being yelled at by a strong-willed toddler, and cleaning up human waste with her friends' off-the-charts cool lives. As much as she loves her life and her family, sometimes she just wants to run away to a jungle land, apply for the Foreign Service Exam, join a band, start a business, or try out for a Broadway show. Sometimes she loses sight of how amazing her life is and how lucky she is to be a part of it, all because she has known too many people of above-average intelligence and drive who have different ideas about family and raising children than she does.

Are you starting to understand my point-of-view on Facebook?

Sometimes I console myself by imagining all the not-so-cool things that may be going on these people's lives. The woman who looks perfect, has the amazing job, and still has two kids gets no sleep and doesn't have the same relationship with her children that I have with my Boo. The friends working for the DoS are far away from their families and sometimes get lonely or desperate for their favorite restaurant - I can hardly imagine living in Europe and craving Mexican food. I have yet to think of negatives to the friends who have the amazing publishing deals, darn you guys!

I also have to realize that people on Facebook are portraying themselves in exactly the way that they want the world to see them. They typically don't mention their frustrations or any of the monotonies in their lives. They excitedly explain that they just saw Taylor Lautner (and his famous body) on the beach, or that they recently returned home from a trip overseas with the First Lady.

And, of course, the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm willing to bet that I have a friend or two that is a bit jealous of how much fun my daughter and I have together when we go apple picking or to the pumpkin patch. Others may be sad that they have not yet found a relationship as solid and loving as the one I enjoy with my husband. And though it's hard to imagine, it's even possible that the aforementioned career woman dreams of one day being able to spend more time folding laundry and less worrying about getting an updated version of the firm's business plan on her boss' desk before close of business on Thursday. Perhaps I should be a little more grateful for what I have, despite Facebook's best efforts.

A day off; or, I forget

When I go about my day, my brain tends to move a million miles an hour. Don't forget to buy x; You need to return y to soandso; It's been two months since the last time you cleaned z; You'll owe a late fee if you don't pay a,b,c,d,e,f and g. As soon as I sit down to make a list so that I won't forget, I've already forgotten. All of it. Except the part about checking email, Facebook, CNN.com, and Craigslist for the used something-or-other that I don't really need. I used to think I could do it all; now I think I could do with a personal assistant.

Today, the Hubster surprised B with a day at Disneyland. It was a wonderful experience for both, multiple tantrums and the scars left from a toddler spending 12 minutes on a dark ride featuring pirates aside. It was an even more wonderful experience for me: I had a day without screaming and crying, defiance, and constant loud chatter + screaming. It took me a mere 25 minutes to get ready, 30 seconds to get in the car, and 3 hours to do the most relaxing shopping I've enjoyed in years. Being an American, shopping is, of course, the default when you have time and aren't sure how to use it. I had a long list of things to do in my head, of course, but I'd forgotten them all by the time I sat down in the silent car, ready to drive off to a quiet public shopping center.

Ramblings

I have never considered myself a writer.

But I have an idea in my head that just won't go away. When I close my eyes, there it is waiting for me to give it a little bit of attention. And I ignore it. The next time I close my eyes it's still there, only it has grown a little. When I closed my eyes a few days ago, it had grown so large that I could no longer ignore it. I decided to throw my time, money, and responsibility to the wind and let my story loose.

NaNoWriMo beckons! 50,000 words in 30 days.

I'm going to give my poor 2-year-old daughter and husband an up front apology. The house is going to suffer. My attention to each of you is going to wane. The holidays are going to be their most hectic yet - and that's saying something.

But Janie is finally going to get her day in the sun.